These days, the song I listen to every day is Lim Young-woong's 'Now Just Trust Me,' a song that not many people in Korea would be unfamiliar with.

In the past, I didn't quite understand why Lim Young-woong was so popular. Even when my Korean friends were in a frenzy trying to get concert tickets, I thought he was just a young singer who sang well.

But the human heart is quite strange.

The same song can sound completely different depending on what situation you're in.

Denver has already gotten quite chilly in the mornings and evenings. The trees in the neighborhood are now turning yellow as the leaves fall.

When I go out to the backyard with my coffee in the morning, the cold air touches my face, and at those moments, I feel an inexplicable emptiness in my heart.

My only daughter got married last year. Her husband is a U.S. Air Force captain who was stationed in Denver, but they left right after the wedding for Japan.

I'm grateful that my daughter met a good person and is living well. The exchange rate in Japan is favorable, so she says she doesn't have to worry about living expenses, and her husband is diligent and treats her well, which I appreciate.

However, after my only daughter left, the house has become very quiet.

In the past, I used to go grocery shopping at the Korean market with her, and on weekends, we would go to Cherry Creek for coffee and shopping.

Those were trivial things, but looking back, I really cherished that time.

Her room is still just as it was. There are photos from her college days on the desk, and a few pieces of clothing left in the closet.

Sometimes I go into that room and just open and close the window for no reason.

My husband is very dedicated to church activities. He has meetings during the week and practically lives at church on weekends.

He's doing good work, so I can't really say anything. It's not like he's out drinking; he's volunteering at church.

But sometimes I feel a bit neglected, haha.

I wonder when was the last time we sat down together for coffee, while he talks for so long with the church people.

On Sunday afternoons, he has meals with church members and comes home late, while I sometimes return home alone and sit on the sofa.

Outside the window, the unique blue sky of Denver is spread out, and the sunlight is nice, but strangely, my heart feels empty.

Then, I happened to hear Lim Young-woong's song on YouTube.

At first, I thought his voice was really nice. But after listening a few times, the song started to resonate with me.

'Now Just Trust Me.'

I don't know why that title is so moving.

When I was younger, I thought that once I got married and had kids, I wouldn't feel lonely. But now that I'm fifty, I realize that's not necessarily true.

It's not that my husband isn't around or that my daughter doesn't contact me.

It's just that each of us has our own lives now.

My daughter has her husband and a new family, and my husband has the important world of church.

But when I think about it, I've been living as someone's mother and someone's wife for over twenty years.

From my daughter's school issues to college admissions, household chores, and supporting my husband, there was always something to do.

Back then, I wanted my own time so badly, but now that I have it, I don't know what to do.

A few days ago, I drove to Washington Park. While walking around the lake, I saw many people jogging and couples walking their dogs.

I sat on a bench and watched people for a while, then listened to that song through my earbuds. Suddenly, I found myself in tears.

It's not like anything sad happened, but I just cried.

Maybe I miss my daughter who went to Japan, or I'm feeling neglected by my husband, or perhaps I'm just nostalgic for my younger days; I don't really know.

I told a friend about this, and she laughed and said, "You've reached the age where you can like Lim Young-woong. If it gets worse, you might become a BTS fan!"

I laughed for a long time. Becoming a fan of BTS, who are younger than me, is quite amusing, haha.

These days, I sometimes ask my husband to take walks together, and I'm also looking for hobbies I can do alone.

There are many places to go and things to do in Denver, but I feel like I've been cooped up at home for too long.

I don't necessarily need to fill the void left by my daughter with someone else. Now, I want to live a little for myself.

Still, sometimes I wish someone would tell me too.

To just trust myself now.