These days, I keep wanting to learn the piano again.

I lived in an apartment complex in Gangnam, Seoul when I was in elementary school. At that time, I attended a piano academy in the complex for about six months.

I didn't learn anything extraordinary. I was at a basic level, just starting with the Bayer method.

After school, there was a piano in each small room, and in one room they were playing Bayer while in another they were playing Czerny, and it was quite chaotic.

I was the kid trying to match finger numbers while playing Do-Re-Mi-Fa-Sol.

But not long after, we moved to Daegu, and I had to stop playing the piano.

After attending school in Daegu, I immigrated to the U.S. as a high school student, and since then, I haven't had the chance to touch a piano properly.

But isn't it strange how people's hearts work?

While living in San Diego, I sometimes visited other people's homes, and if there was a piano in the living room, I felt so envious.

Oh, I want to have one of those in my house.

Not a grand piano, just a simple black piano. How nice would it be to sit down and play a few songs while sipping coffee in the evening?

But there's no space for it in my house. Haha.

Just because it's an American house doesn't mean it's all spacious like a gym. Once you put in a sofa, a table, and all the other household items, there's hardly a wall left for a piano.

And I'm not even good at playing the piano, so I wondered why I have such a longing for it.

But now I think I understand.

I wasn't envious of the finger skills of those who play the piano well. Those people know how to convey their emotions to others.

That's what I find truly enviable.

Even with the same piece, it sounds completely different depending on who plays it. When someone plays, it's just a pleasant piano piece, but when another person plays, it suddenly brings back memories and tugs at your heart.

Without even saying a word.

As we live, it seems that as we get older, we accumulate many emotions that are hard to explain in words.

You want to see someone but don't want to reach out, you miss the past but don't want to go back, and you feel a bit empty, but that doesn't mean you're unhappy.

It's quite ambiguous, isn't it?

But someone who plays the piano well can convey those feelings with just a few keys.

When I watch someone play the piano on YouTube, I find myself looking more at their expression than how fast their hands move. The way they are completely immersed in the music they are playing is so beautiful.

Sometimes I think about it.

If I had continued learning the piano after moving to Daegu, wouldn't I be able to play a couple of pieces beautifully by now?

Well, realistically, I might have gotten bored and quit before even getting to Czerny. Haha.

Still, I want to have a piano in my house someday.

When I move to a slightly bigger house later, I might put a piano in one corner of the living room and try learning again. What's wrong with starting from Bayer again?

Now that I'm in my forties, I find myself envying those who have a way to express their feelings more than those who are just good at something.

For me, that's the piano.

The ability to express feelings that are hard to explain in words through my fingers.

Ah, that's why I still envy those who play the piano well.