This year, Thanksgiving falls on Thursday, November 26. With just two weeks left, the same question inevitably arises among couples.

"Which house are we going to first this year?" It seems like a simple question, but surprisingly, many homes feel a strange tension from this one line.

If in Korea, the holidays were about Seollal and Chuseok, for Korean couples living in the U.S., the stage expands. With Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Lunar New Year to consider, this issue comes up at least three times a year.

Moreover, it's rare for both families to live in the same neighborhood. If one side is in Korea and the other in California, solutions like "breakfast at one house and dinner at the other" become impossible.

The scale of travel is also significant. AAA estimated that 81.8 million people traveled more than 50 miles from home during last year's Thanksgiving holiday, with 73.3 million of them traveling by car.

Airports are similar. RDU has consistently reported that the Tuesday and Wednesday before the holiday, as well as the returning Sunday, are the busiest times of the year.

So, the longer you wait to decide, the more expensive flights become and the fewer seats are available. Emotional issues can quickly turn into financial ones. I've seen families end up saying, 'Let's just not go anywhere this year.'

I've been someone who has had to reset the rules several times in life. So, I've learned one thing for sure: conflicts usually arise from a lack of rules, not because people are bad.

The same goes for holiday order. If you decide based on intuition each time, someone will inevitably feel hurt. Therefore, I recommend that couples agree on just three things in advance before the holidays.

The first is the principle of order. Don't negotiate every year; establish a rule and stick to it for several years.

The simplest method is to alternate every other year. For example, this year, Thanksgiving and Christmas are at the in-laws, and next year at the parents' house, and so on.

Another option is to divide by holiday. For instance, Thanksgiving at the parents' house and Christmas at the in-laws, switching each year.

There's no definitive answer as to which is correct. However, if one side is in Korea, travel time and costs can vary greatly, so it's practical to set aside Lunar New Year or summer vacation for that side.

The advantage of alternating years is that it requires no calculations. On the other hand, fixed holidays allow both sides to be visited each year, which is often preferred by families with elderly parents.

What's important is to write down the rules, whether on paper or in a phone memo. After about three years, you might forget where you went last year.

The second is duration and money. If you only set the order and forget this, you'll end up fighting again.

You need to agree in advance on how many days to stay, whether to stay at the parents' house or book a nearby hotel, and which account will cover the flight and gift expenses.

Especially, accommodation can be a more sensitive issue than expected. One side may assume it's natural to stay at home, while the other might feel suffocated after three days.

If it were me, I would mix in a hotel or nearby accommodation after two nights. Even if it costs a bit more, that day can save the remaining schedule.

If you're driving to a house, also set the departure time. If you get on I-40 or I-95 on the afternoon before the holiday, you'll find it takes much longer than usual after just one experience.

It's also cleaner to spend the same amount on both sides. If one side's gifts are noticeably larger, everyone will notice, even if no one says anything.

The third is who will make the calls. I believe this is surprisingly the most important point.

The principle is simple: each person should communicate with their own parents. Hearing that you can't go from a daughter-in-law or son-in-law versus hearing it from their child carries different weights.

Additionally, if you provide alternatives for the side that can't go, it softens the message. For example, you could schedule a video call on the holiday or plan to visit the following weekend.

Lunar New Year is a great way to fill that gap. Spending time with that family while making rice cake soup next year can alleviate some of the disappointment.

When deciding these three things, timing is also crucial. Bringing it up right before the holiday is already too late. The two weeks leading up to the holiday is essentially the deadline.

A quiet weekday evening is the best time for the conversation. If emotions are high right after a call with parents, even the best rules can sound like an attack.

And once you've decided, even if the first year is a bit rocky, just push through. Rules gain strength only when they are followed. If it doesn't work out, you can adjust it after the holiday.

Starting anew is always awkward. But once a standard is set, holidays can return to being days to look forward to rather than days of tension.

No matter who sits at the Thanksgiving table this year, I hope the journey to that seat is less exhausting. Tonight, I encourage you to open a notepad and jot down just three lines.