At the local Little League baseball field, there's a scene that has become quite common these days. When a child walks back to the dugout with their head down after striking out in the last at-bat, a parent stands up and lowers themselves to the child's eye level. The words they usually say are quite similar.

"It's okay, you don't have to be perfect." When I first heard this phrase, I thought it was just a typical consolation. However, after hearing it multiple times, I realized that it's not just a comment for that moment, but rather a statement that reflects the current parenting style.

I was curious why this phrase has become so common among parents, and upon researching, I found that there is substantial psychological research backing it.

In fact, this concept is not entirely new. Donald Winnicott, a British pediatrician and psychoanalyst, introduced the idea of the 'good enough mother' in the 1950s. He argued that a parent who responds adequately and sometimes clumsily is actually more beneficial for a child's emotional development than a perfect parent.

There is more research supporting this trend. In 1998, a study conducted by Claudia Mueller from Columbia University and Carol Dweck from Stanford University involved fifth graders. After solving problems, one group of children was told, "You're so smart," while the other group was told, "You worked really hard." The children who were praised for being smart tended to choose only the easier problems next, while those praised for their effort chose more challenging problems.

Their reactions after experiencing failure also differed. The children praised for their effort persisted longer with the problems and enjoyed the process, while those praised for being smart quickly lost interest and blamed their abilities.

Since then, American parenting resources have increasingly recommended a focus on the process rather than the outcome. Instead of saying, "Good job," parents are encouraged to say, "You didn't give up and tried your best," which seems to align closely with the idea that it's okay not to be perfect.

Research by Professor Curran's team tracking college students' perfectionism from 1989 to 2016 shows some impressive numbers. During this period, self-oriented perfectionism, where individuals set high standards for themselves, increased by 10 percent, socially prescribed perfectionism, where individuals feel that others expect perfection from them, increased by 33 percent, and other-oriented perfectionism, where individuals expect perfection from others, increased by 16 percent.

A follow-up study released this year broadened the scope significantly. Analyzing 307 studies involving over 82,000 college students from the U.S., U.K., and Canada from 1989 to 2024 revealed that socially prescribed perfectionism has noticeably escalated since the early 2000s.

According to the American Psychological Association, 25 to 30 percent of children and adolescents exhibit perfectionistic tendencies. I was surprised to learn that this is much more common than I expected.

Interestingly, some analyses suggest that the rise in perfectionism is linked to income inequality. As economic growth slows and income disparity increases, the levels of perfectionism among younger generations also rise. Ultimately, it's not just about a report card; it's connected to the overall societal atmosphere.

Thus, when parents frequently say, "It's okay not to be perfect," it seems they are not just choosing kind words but are consciously trying to push against this trend.

There are also specific situations where this phrase tends to come up more often. It tends to arise more naturally in settings where physical activity is involved, like on a sports field or hiking trail, rather than when sitting down with a report card.

If a child doesn't complete the trail and sits down midway, the parent doesn't blame them for not reaching the top but instead praises the distance they have walked. It teaches that the goal of hiking is not just to finish but to appreciate each step along the way.

These days, parents often do not hide their own mistakes in front of their children. They might show calmness when they take a wrong turn on a trail or demonstrate their struggles to maintain balance in a fitness class. It seems there is an understanding that showing imperfection first helps children accept it as a natural part of life.

Of course, not everyone agrees with this approach. There are concerns that if parents repeatedly say, "It's okay," children might put in less effort, and conversely, some believe that children need to develop resilience to mistakes from a young age to avoid being shaken later on.

Personally, I lean more towards the latter perspective. I believe that the mindset to try again is far more lasting than achieving a perfect result.

So, the next time I see a parent squatting next to a child who has just struck out, I think I will simply watch with a sense of satisfaction.