I live in Hawaii with my husband.

Life here is warm like the sunshine and peaceful like the waves.

The blue sea, the intermittent rain, and the endlessly blue sky enrich my life.

Walking along the beach with my husband, picking fruits at the market, it is literally pure tranquility.

However, lately, I have been feeling a sudden sense of loneliness.

Why is that? The reason is simple. I will probably live longer than my husband.

My husband is still fit and takes good care of his health. He walks, enjoys fishing, and regularly goes out for golf with friends. He is not seriously ill yet.

But his friends and brothers... are leaving this world one by one.

Recently, an American friend who is two years older than my husband suddenly passed away from a heart attack, and one of his brothers also passed away last year at the age of 72 due to illness.

Once they turned 70, they started frequently visiting the hospital, and soon the holiday contacts stopped, and the news of their passing came.

As healthy people suddenly leave us, I increasingly think about the high probability of being left alone.

The average life expectancy for women is usually 5 to 7 years longer than for men.

In the U.S., women live an average of 81 years, while men live about 76 years.

So even if we are the same age now, I have a higher chance of remaining in this world longer.

This is not just a matter of numbers.

The mornings in a house without my husband, the beach walks we used to take together, the empty seat across the table, a scene from a TV drama we used to watch together in the late evening, all of these might become the daily life I have to handle alone, and realizing this makes my heart feel empty.

How will I live alone?

In fact, when I think of 'old age', I only imagined growing old together, and I had never seriously considered the possibility of being left alone.

But now I feel that I need to prepare.

First, I feel the need for emotional independence.

Time spent with my husband is not everything, and I need to get used to spending time alone.

Sometimes I think about traveling with friends or joining a local book club.

Now, I want to cherish my time as well.

And financial independence is also important.

I check in advance the living expenses, house management, and medical issues that I can handle on my own when my husband is not around.

I also review my insurance and try not to rely too much on my children.

If I start taking care of things one by one from now on, I might be able to face that sudden emptiness in the future with a little less loneliness.

What I desire is not simply to avoid loneliness.

I want to maintain the direction of my life even if I am left alone.

A life where I brew morning coffee on sunny days, take care of flowers, and walk in the sea breeze.

Even without my husband, I hope to keep all of that as part of my life.

The sky in Hawaii is always blue.

Both the days of living with someone under that sky and the days of living alone are precious.