"Suddenly, the woman in the mirror felt unfamiliar."

One day, I looked in the mirror and it felt strange.
As I washed my face and wiped it dry, I casually glanced at my face,
it was clearly me, yet... it felt like someone I had never seen before.

My skin seemed thinner than before, and the deepening wrinkles around my eyes were prominent.
I had lost some cheek fat, but my jawline had become blurred, and the laugh lines were much deeper than before.
The moment I faced my bare, unmade-up self, a part of my heart crumbled.
"When did I get this old?"

Aging and Feeling Are Different

I have now crossed into the late middle age of my sixties.
But somewhere in my heart, I still hold onto my thirties.
The passion, pride, a bit of vanity, and the confidence that I could still do anything.
My body carries the marks of time, but my heart still dreams of youth.

Is that why, when I see that unfamiliar woman in the mirror, feelings of confusion rush in?
It feels like someone else has entered my body.
Each wrinkle, each spot seems to deny my past, making me feel sad,
and on the other hand, it is I who feels more unfamiliar for being ashamed of that time.

What It Means for Women to Age

Women feel the effects of 'aging' much faster than men.
Skin, hair, weight, and societal perceptions.
The shadows under my eyes that cannot be hidden even with makeup,
the skin elasticity that is gradually declining despite my efforts,
the stamina that is not what it used to be and a body that tires easily.

Moreover, the reactions from those around me are harsh.
As I age, comments like "You should act your age now"
and "You've changed your face as you've aged" can be quite hurtful.
There are moments when I realize that it's not me who has changed, but the way the world looks at me has changed.

However, Age is My Own Medal

Nevertheless, I have decided to gradually accept the aging me.
Of course, it wasn't something that happened overnight.
At one time, I slathered on anti-aging creams from Miss USA,
changed my hairstyle, and tried to wear heavier makeup to 'not look old.'
But those efforts only exhausted me more.

The current me is the 'me' who has lived through all that time.
I have given birth and raised children,
laughed and cried with loved ones,
failed, succeeded, endured tough times, and stood back up,
I have been sick in some seasons and free as the wind in others.

Those times have come together to create my current face.
Wrinkles are the count of my smiles,
and my hazy gaze signifies the depth within me.
I want to acknowledge that now.
I am not aging as if I am being chipped away and erased,
but rather becoming more solid, deeper, and my feelings and experiences are seeping in.

Now, and Moving Forward

I still look in the mirror every day.
But I no longer look to find only flaws.
Sometimes, without makeup, holding a cup of coffee,
I smile and say, "It's okay, I'm doing well today."

To some, I may appear as a woman past her prime,
but I still love life and know how to take care of myself.
Rather than being swept away by the speed of time,
I am facing that time head-on and living 'my age.'

And I want to tell all the women who, like me, felt unfamiliar with the person in the mirror.
That is not an old appearance, but merely 'proof of the time lived.'
We are still plenty beautiful and still have many days to live.