I am currently living in Honolulu, Hawaii. It has been several decades since I settled here after marrying my husband.

The house I live in now was a hard-won purchase from the mid-90s, and looking back, it was truly a good decision.

Everyone knows about the housing prices in Hawaii. Nowadays, the price of a condo is often more expensive than a single-family home on the mainland, and the rent is beyond imagination.

In this situation, I honestly take pride in owning a home. Having a stable living space is a great blessing.

But is living in Hawaii really like heaven?

When people hear I live in Hawaii, they say, "Wow, that's great! It's summer all the time!" "The scenery is beautiful, and there's the ocean~ I'm so jealous~" Hearing this makes me sigh every time.

Hawaii is beautiful. But after living here for ten years, it becomes increasingly boring.

To those who visit for a day or two, this place may look like paradise.

The weather is always clear and warm, the sky is blue with palm trees, and the ocean is beautiful. But think about it being the same every day.

It rains on and off, and the lack of seasonal changes makes the sense of time blur.

Christmas is in short sleeves, summer is in short sleeves, and autumn is in short sleeves. It seems like a little change in weather is necessary for living.

Moreover... this is no longer the Hawaii I used to know. Local young people have all left, and no one wants to live in Hawaii anymore.

Most of my friends have sent their children to the mainland. Children who grew up in Hawaii go to college and get jobs, and they all move to California, Washington, or Texas.

What remains are only the older generation. When I go to the grocery store, there are more elderly people, and the young people sitting in coffee shops are mostly tourists.

Tourists keep coming, and it's "festival mode" every day here, but we continue to live within it.

It feels like living in a never-ending festival while doing grocery shopping, cleaning the house, doing laundry, and going to work.

And this is a little-known story, but Hawaii also has dark and difficult realities.

In particular, alcoholism, marijuana use, and various drug problems are serious. They are especially rampant in the native community, and there are many homeless people.

The cost of living... is hard to describe. Everything has to be brought in by boat, so an item that costs $15 on the mainland easily goes for $20 here.

Yet people envy me. They say, "Living in Hawaii means you've succeeded in life!"

Every time I hear that, I can't help but think, is it okay to live here for the rest of my life?

My husband says, "Let's think about the flow of the times," but I keep feeling uncertain.

Should I move to a city on the mainland that's good to live in, like Seattle? Or should I really return to Korea when I'm old and quietly retire?

Honestly, I'm scared.

At my age, packing up and going somewhere isn't easy, and since my kids all live in the U.S., I wonder if I would even feel comfortable going back to Korea.

But thinking about having to live here until I die feels overwhelming. The thought of going to a nursing home is terrifying.

My husband seems to think he can just live in Hawaii, grow old, and be buried here.

Even without saying it, I can feel it in his eyes. He has a house, knows people, and is comfortable with the hospital, so it must be easy for him.

But sometimes I feel like I've lived too long in Hawaii, which would have been better off as just a travel destination.

It's so beautiful and so quiet that it feels like my heart is drifting further away.

Still, I am grateful for having lived this far. I've raised my children in this house, taken walks by the sea, and made many memories with good friends.

However, sometimes, I suddenly think about it.

"Is it okay to grow old here like this?"

No one can give the right answer, but I leave this writing in hopes that it might comfort someone else who is struggling with the same thoughts.

Hawaii is beautiful, but living here tells a different story.