I provide business consulting in the eastern United States.

Many people tell me.

"With that salary, a good job, a happy family, and well-raised kids, you've succeeded in life in America."

However, as I age and my children grow, I often feel something is missing, and my sense of satisfaction doesn't last long.

Even when I happen to be smiling, my mind is always busy thinking about the next tasks.

"Am I going to live like this and die? When will a happy life come?"

His book 'If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Happy?' addresses why people like us miss out on happiness.

He says.

The three things that determine happiness are surprisingly simple.

1. Meaningful human relationships

2. Things I do well and enjoy

3. The freedom to choose my life

These three are the true 'happiness points' after basic needs are met.

However, the problem is that highly intelligent and achievement-oriented people often neglect these three.

Why? Because we keep comparing ourselves.

For example, let's say I'm an outstanding doctor. But what does it mean to be outstanding?

Research papers? Teaching evaluations? Salary? Surgical success rates?

Since the criteria are too vague, people end up obsessing over numbers.

"They received an award. Are they better than me?"

"Why is this month's incentive less than that person's?"

"Oh, this colleague has already given a Ted talk..."

The comparisons never end. And they usually conclude with the thought 'I am lacking.'

Research on the sustainability of happiness is very clear.

Even lottery winners return to their original level of happiness after a year.

We feel temporarily happy when we achieve something new, but soon we crave 'something bigger.'

That's how the brain works.

So even if salaries increase, we succeed in changing jobs, or papers get published... that feeling lasts only a few days or weeks.

And then? The race towards another goal begins.

In the end, we live climbing a mountain that we can never reach.

True happiness arises from 'immersion,' Raghunathan states in his research findings.

He advises to let go of comparisons and deeply engage in what I enjoy and do well.

Let go of the obsession with 'having to be the best' and immerse yourself in meaningful activities.

As you immerse yourself, you will grow and achieve results without even realizing it.

But that is secondary. The key is to enjoy the process.

He expressed this as "dispassionate pursuit of passion," meaning to pursue passion with a calm mind.

Don't be swayed by results; focus on the process.

We are accustomed to setting goals, analyzing, planning, and achieving results.

However, in all that process, it is easy to lose the emotional balance of life.

Happiness comes from connection, not competition.

It comes from meaningful processes, not results.

And it arises from free choices, not success.

Today, on my way to work, I ask myself.

"Is this the life I truly want?"

If there are more days I can answer "yes" to that question, then I might be living a truly successful life.