At one point, I had a life philosophy that I believed was the coolest. It was simply, "Que sera, sera."

Let things happen. What's life anyway? Living naturally as things flow is the best way. I lived like that, pretending to be cool.

But when I turned forty and looked back, I was horrified to realize that I hadn't accomplished anything.

By letting things happen, I truly ended up with nothing.

These days, as soon as I open YouTube or a blog, I'm flooded with stories of successful people.

Wake up at four in the morning, this one book will change your life, how to achieve financial freedom in your 40s.

I nodded along while watching those videos. Yes, mindset is important. Wow, I can do this too.

But the problem was that it ended there. After watching a video, I felt as if I had already achieved that success.

It was fake dopamine. And today, I comfort myself by saying I studied for my own sake and then go to sleep.

But my bank balance, career, and health are almost the same as last year or even worse.

I wasted time while my brain was under the delusion that I was living diligently, engaging in the worst kind of self-gaslighting.

Austin is filled with smart people, so much so that it's called Silicon Hills, and while everyone is working hard and moving forward, I sometimes feel like I'm the only one standing still. So I consumed self-improvement content even more desperately, but in reality, I wasn't thinking; I was drowning in a flood of information.

What are my true strengths? What will I look like in five years? Is this video helping me develop even one skill? To answer these questions, I should have been challenged, but I was letting go of my focus, thinking that I would eventually get there through other people's success stories.

I have a favorite barbecue place in Austin. You have to stand in line from early morning to eat there. The owner doesn't say they became famous just by grilling meat. They obsessively delve into every degree of temperature and every piece of wood. Life is the same. The phrase "let things happen" is actually a luxury that only those who have done their best can enjoy, but I was skipping that part and just being a bystander.

So these days, I've made a decision. I'm going to take a break from YouTube and instead start documenting my own rough journey instead of someone else's success narrative.

Whether I write a long piece or make one English sentence I learned today truly my own, I've decided to live a life of output, not input. Are you feeling anxious that you might also just be letting time pass by?

If so, put down your smartphone and take out a piece of paper. And write down what you have decided and executed today by your own will. If you don't write anything, you might be suffering from the same "let things happen" disease as I am.

But that's okay. We still have a long way to go in our lives.

Today, how are your thoughts? How about we end living in a daze together starting today?