Laugh, and the world will laugh with you

When I first heard this saying as a child, I thought it was just a nice saying.

If you live positively, your surroundings become brighter. It seemed true.

But after living in the U.S. for over 20 years, this saying started to sound increasingly hollow. Especially after turning forty.

I attended middle school in Korea before coming to the U.S.

Here, I graduated high school, attended community college for two years, worked various jobs, got married, and now I live as a homemaker in Raleigh.

While doing part-time work here and there, my life isn't particularly dramatic.

Yet, within this ordinariness, I feel daily how much that saying is just empty words.

Ultimately, the essence of life in America is isolation.

There's no neighbor bringing over side dishes like in Korea.

There is something called a neighborhood party, but it ends up being just a few small talk exchanges.

"How are you?" "Good, how are you?" This is the entirety of conversation for most days.

Laugh, and the world will laugh with you. But that 'world' doesn't really know me.

It doesn't care why I'm laughing or why I'm crying. It's not that Americans are bad.

It's just the structure. Each person has their own home, their own car, their own schedule.

When I worked full-time, at least I had colleagues. I was forced to meet people.

But when I'm at home, the only ones I talk to all day are my kids and husband.

Kids aren't emotional dumpsters for their moms, so I smile. I pretend everything is fine.

Does the world laugh with that smile? No. It's just quiet.

Even when I meet people through part-time work, there's a limit to the depth of those relationships.

It's not a language barrier. My English is sufficient.

It's not a cultural barrier either. I've lived here for over 20 years. It's just that for a woman over forty in this country, forming new relationships is harder than I expected.

Would it be easier in Korea? At least there's that loose connection among neighborhood moms.

Laugh, and the world will laugh with you. This saying only holds true in a society where people are densely connected.

In America, especially as a Korean-American homemaker, it means that whether you laugh or cry, you spend overwhelmingly more time alone.

That doesn't mean I'm unhappy. I just know that the comfort that saying provides doesn't work here.

These days, I think of it this way. Laugh, and at least you'll feel a bit better yourself.

The world may not care, but I'm on my side.