Living in Cook County, Chicago, every time I think, 'Should I buy a handgun?' a strange mix of tension arises.

For me, having a gun was something I could only encounter in the military back in Korea, specifically the infantry rifle K2.

However, since coming to America, guns have come to feel less like mere 'weapons' and more like a right to protect oneself.

When I first arrived in Chicago, visiting a gun shop and seeing handguns displayed in cases and numerous rifles hanging on the walls was shocking to me.

"Can you really buy guns this easily here?"

In Korea, purchasing live ammunition is impossible, and the very word 'gun' felt distant, but in America, it approached the issue of 'choice' like buying electronics.

When I asked my American friends, the answers varied.

One friend said he keeps a handgun at home. When I asked why, he replied, "Living in Chicago, it's to prepare for any potential danger."

At first, I didn't understand that, but after living in Chicago for a while, I began to get it.

When I turn on the news, stories about gun incidents come up, and given the significant disparities in safety across different areas of Chicago, it's not unreasonable to feel the need to protect oneself.

However, I still have conflicts. I wonder, 'Does having a gun really make you safer?'

For Americans, guns are a means of self-defense and a right guaranteed by the Constitution, but they seem too dangerous to me.

In reality, a person without a gun can be a victim, but at the same time, a person with a gun can become a criminal due to a moment of mistake or anger.

Among my acquaintances, there are those who often have to close their shops late at night, and after being robbed a few times, they decided to get a gun.

In their words, there was a mix of fear and resignation. "Guns are scary. But without a gun, it's even scarier."

Living as an immigrant in America, I realized that issues of safety and survival come into play like this.

Of course, not all Koreans living in Chicago think the same way about guns.

Some say, "It's better to stay away from them," while others say, "It's safer to learn and own one if you must."

I too constantly ponder in between. Not having a gun makes me anxious, but having one makes me even more anxious.

If I had only lived in Korea, I would have never needed to own a gun or even think about it.

But living in America, I must consider how to protect myself and my family in this reality.

While I don't want to carry a gun for safety, I can't ignore the reality that it might be necessary.

So today, I continue to ponder. When driving through dangerous areas with my children, wouldn't having a gun provide some reassurance?

Will I be able to live in Chicago without owning a gun, or will I eventually buy one like my acquaintances?

I still have no definite answer. In front of the tense and heavy question of guns, I am still contemplating.