I am thirty-four years old this year. After completing my master's degree in Korea, I came to the U.S. for further studies and married a citizen to obtain my green card.

I am currently working as an IT developer in San Jose, near Silicon Valley. My career and immigration status are stable, but I have been thinking a lot lately.

"What kind of life am I living on American soil?"

In my childhood memories, immigration to the U.S. was associated with images of laundries, liquor stores, sewing factories, and delis.

The previous generation that settled in the U.S. in the 70s to 90s aimed for a life of 'buying a house, sending children to good colleges, and going to church every Sunday,' even with limited English.

Now, things are different.

IT, healthcare, accounting, engineering, startups—the image of immigrants has evolved, and the methods have changed. I speak English well, have a degree, found a job, and my salary is decent. Yet, the term 'settling in America' still feels unfamiliar.

Why is that?

First, it is due to the confusion of identity.
I appear to be integrated into American society on the surface. I hold meetings in English, work with American bosses, take Ubers, and buy lunch at Starbucks. But inside, I still think in Korean. I go to H-Mart to buy kimchi and watch 'Sampro TV' on YouTube. Living as a 'middle person' who is neither fully Korean nor fully American takes more energy than I expected.

Second, it is due to the disconnection of relationships.
America is thoroughly individual-centered. It is hard to make friends, and even if you do, it is difficult to deepen those relationships. The previous generation built communities through churches or Korean gatherings, but our generation only repeats work, gym, and home. A life sustained solely by work without a social network does not last long.

Third, it is because life goals have become vague.
In the past, goals like 'buying a house and sending children to college' were clear. Now, marriage is delayed, and there are no plans for children. I earn money, but I am not sure what I am earning it for. I negotiate my salary well, but I am still figuring out my life plan.

So these days, I ask myself questions like this.

In ten years in America, what will my life look like? Where and how do I want to retire? What is my safety net in life? What do I need to establish my roots here?

I do not have perfect answers to these questions yet, but one thing is clear.

Settling in America is about structuring the 'whole life' rather than just 'work.'

Jobs are temporary. You can change jobs, get fired, or the company can disappear. However, the structure of life—community, relationships, health, finances, family—needs to be properly established to withstand any changes.

That is why I have been making a few attempts recently:

I am gradually re-engaging with community organizations and Korean networks.

I have started financial planning, contemplating whether to buy a house or continue renting.

On weekends, I consciously create offline hobbies, like tennis or hiking.

I try to talk frequently with other Korean peers who share similar concerns.

My conclusion is - the U.S. is a country full of opportunities, but it is also a lonely and unstructured society. If you do not create your own infrastructure, no one will take care of you.

Right now, I am not just a 'worker' in San Jose, but I am building 'my life as an immigrant.' I am trying to slowly design the structure of my life as an adult, without hiding behind the title of developer.

Isn't that true 'settling'?