A few days ago, a coworker asked me, "Would you like to come to my house for Thanksgiving?" I was excited but also momentarily blanked. In Korean culture, going empty-handed is unimaginable. However, I had no idea what to bring to an American home without being rude.

This year, Thanksgiving is on Thursday, November 26. The date changes every year since it falls on the fourth Thursday of November. I looked it up to get organized in advance.

The first thing I learned is that the answer is simpler than I expected. According to advice from Emily Post, a name synonymous with etiquette, the key is one line: ask the host first and follow what they want.

This is an important point. The host often plans the entire menu for Thanksgiving dinner in advance. If I bring a dish with good intentions that doesn't fit into their plan, it could complicate things.

So, when invited, it's most natural to ask, "Can I bring anything?" Asking how many people are coming can also help with portion sizes.

If the host requests rolls, then bring rolls. If I bring a casserole that needs to be baked for 40 minutes, the host might find themselves in a tricky situation in front of an oven already occupied by the turkey. I felt a bit guilty reading that.

What if the response is, "Nothing, just come!"? According to etiquette experts, bringing a gift for the host is not mandatory. However, since being invited for a family holiday is a kind gesture, bringing a small gift is considered a nice gesture.

The guideline here is that it should be something the host doesn't need to deal with immediately. Gifts that require immediate attention, like finding a vase or transferring to a plate, can be burdensome on a busy day.

Common recommendations include gourmet crackers, chutney, or a box of chocolates. These can be enjoyed later at a leisurely pace. If the host doesn't drink alcohol, non-alcoholic sparkling wine is also a safe choice.

Flowers are also a popular gift. However, there was advice to choose a single type of seasonal flower rather than a mixed bouquet from the store. I learned this for the first time.

If you're responsible for a dish, it's good to know the cost as well. The American Farm Bureau Federation (AFBF) conducts an annual survey of Thanksgiving basket prices, and in the 2025 survey, a full meal for ten people was $55.18. That breaks down to about $5.52 per person.

Regionally, the Northeast was more expensive at $60.82 compared to the South at $50.01. Considering the grocery prices in New Jersey, these numbers make sense. The results for this year typically come out in November, so they haven't been confirmed yet.

The same survey also provided itemized prices. A dozen rolls cost $3.56, a 12-ounce bag of fresh cranberries was $2.28, two frozen pie crusts were $3.37, and half a pint of whipped cream was $1.87.

So, taking rolls or cranberry sauce isn't a huge burden. Conversely, if you're responsible for dessert pie, it's not unusual to buy one from a local bakery. If baking feels overwhelming, being honest and buying one is better.

Many people might wonder if they can bring Korean food. In my opinion, if the host is okay with it, dishes like japchae or jeon are usually well-received. However, it's safer to ask about strong-smelling kimchi in advance.

If there are dietary restrictions, here's a tip: suggesting to bring a dish that fits your dietary needs, like vegetarian or gluten-free, is often appreciated by the host.

When bringing food, pay attention to the container as well. If it's a dish that needs to be returned, the host will have to wash and take care of it. Using disposable containers or ones that can be left behind makes it much cleaner.

And before you go, there's something else you should definitely ask. If you want to bring an extra family member or friend, it's basic etiquette to ask for permission in advance. Introducing someone unexpectedly at the door can put the host in an awkward position.

It's also good to casually ask about the dress code or atmosphere. Some homes have a relaxed setting where everyone watches football on the couch, while others have a formal dining table with name cards.

If you brought a gift, consider the timing of when to present it. Since other guests may have come empty-handed, it's polite to hand it over quietly. This is similar to Korean customs.

Many hosts will also send you home with leftovers after the meal. In this case, rather than refusing too much, graciously accepting can actually make the host happy.

Offering to help with the dishes also leaves a good impression. If the host says it's okay, it's American etiquette not to insist further. Just helping to tidy up the table is sufficient.

Lastly, here's the piece of advice I liked the most. Peggy Post once said that a thank-you card received later is better than a gift. A few heartfelt lines last longer than an expensive gift.

These days, many people express their gratitude with a text the next day instead of a card. However, handwritten cards definitely leave a lasting impression. I would write a short card and send it by mail.

To summarize, the order is as follows: first, ask what to bring, and if you have a request, make sure to bring that. If not, bring a small gift that doesn't require much effort, and finish with a thank-you the next day.

This year, I plan to take rolls. They are hard to mess up and go well with any table. I think a box of chocolates on the side will be enough.

For those who are nervous about being invited for the first time, don't worry too much. Ultimately, what the host wants is not an expensive gift but guests who come to enjoy and share a meal together. I hope everyone has a warm Thanksgiving.