"Dad, are you tired again?"

After work, my now 12-year-old son, who has grown quite tall, asked me as I lay down on the couch.
In that moment, it felt like a heavy stone dropped in my chest.
Why am I always so tired?
And when will this fatigue ever end?

I work as a warehouse manager at a logistics company in Long Beach.
Since I have to open the warehouse doors before the employees arrive,
I am already behind the wheel by 5:30 AM.
Every time I drive down the 710 freeway with large trucks rushing by,
my body is on the way to work, but my mind is still under the covers.

As soon as I arrive, I check the truck schedules, allocate manpower,
and deal with the flood of calls for inbound and outbound confirmations...
Half of my day passes in just three hours.

People think that as a manager, I just sit in the office and drink coffee,
but the reality is that I am stacking fallen pallets in front of a forklift,
scanning barcodes in place of contract workers who don't show up,
listening to employee complaints, and dealing with irritated drivers,
balancing between people and systems every day.

The problem is that no two days are the same.
When logistics get backed up, calls flood in from clients and headquarters,
and if one thing goes wrong, I have to take full responsibility.

The tension that doesn't end even at home

At 5 PM, when I finally get off work,
my kids run to me and say, "Dad's home!"
That brief moment is the reward of my day.

But then another day begins.
The email notification sound during dinner,
the deadline for the weekly volume report,
I can't even have a proper conversation with my wife as we're too tired from putting the kids to bed.

Sometimes I feel like my day can be summarized
as work → traffic jam → household chores → fatigue → sleep.
It's bittersweet.

This fatigue isn't just from work.
It's because the calculator in my head is always running.

"The customs duties have gone up again this month; it must affect our warehouse too?"

"I should buy the kids' toys next month."

"What if there's a restructuring next year?"

My body is tired from the day's work, but my mind is exhausted worrying about the future.
Being a breadwinner in my 40s means not just getting through each day, but holding the front line.

Still, I wake up at the same time tomorrow.

Why?

Because if I don't hold on, our family might shake.
If I don't smile, the kids might lose their smiles too.
So I convince myself that my fatigue is natural
as I wrap up the day.

Late at night, holding a can of beer on the balcony,
I look at the lights of the Long Beach harbor and think,
"I survived another day."

"Why is dad always tired?"
I want to answer that question like this.

"Dad comes back from the battlefield every day.
And that's the reason I'm most proud of."

If someone reading this
is quietly taking off their shoes after a late day at work,
don't forget that you are also someone who has lived a remarkable day.